Hi There, fellow Quakers!!!
My name is Tootsie, and as your self-appointed bird
advocate, I feel it is my duty to teach you guys how to be
charming like me so you can get a great servant (oops! I mean
master) like I have. So Take a tip from Tootsie's charm school
agenda and you will not be homeless for long!
First of all, bathe frequently and preen yourself to the
max every day so you look good. Humans are suckers for a set of
glossy feathers. And, be sure that you do not have poop on your
feet because people really hate poopy feet! Now, when humans
enter your cage area at the next bird mart, or your breeder's
home to evaluate you for purchase, you will be looking sharp!
The next step is to turn on the charm. People love a
bright-eyed curious look. I find it easy to accomplish this by
simply puffing up my head feathers and cocking my head to one
side. Now, pause a moment to let them admire you as you check
them out. If you feel they would be acceptable slave, (oops!
hehe, I mean owners) then take a few adorable, self-conscious
steps towards them. And, oh yes, now cock your head to the other
side for good measure.
Hopefully, by this time your current owner will be
making with the giant sales pitch. You can make it even more
powerful by ringing your toy bell or coyly chewing on a toenail,
or the very best sales technique, screaming, "Hello! I love
you!" or anything like that you have learned to say. I'd
also encourage some head bobbing. I personally NEVER engage in
this activity unless I am about to upchuck my lunch, but for some
reason people think it is darling. So do it a lot!
By now, your future servants (oops, there's that
language error again!) I mean owners, should find you much more
attractive and desirable than that deadhead parrot in the cage
next to you, who is fast asleep AND has poopy feet. But, just to
clinch the deal, take 4 or 5 rapid steps towards them, puff up
and bob your head a couple of times, dilate your eyes and laugh
like a witch. They just love this! Gets 'em every time. If you
are lucky enough to be able to check out their perching
potential, cock your head to one side, then the other when they
look at you closely. Sit on their shoulders if you get a chance,
and nuzzle their necks and ears. Humans do that a lot to each
other, and they seem to like it especially well! If you can do
this, before you know it, *POOF*, the poor dupes have slapped
down their money and you have a new home full of humans to pamper
With Tootsie's charm school techniques, there is no
reason for any of us Quakers to ever be homeless again.
Strutting along 'til next time,