BY Doug Roberts
reprinted with author permission
There is a related phenomenon called Cascading UBEs, or CUBES. Take
last night, for example. All 11 birdies in the Roberts household were
sitting on their eight perches, happily eating dinner, picking their
noses, whatever, when Gertchie Birdy, B&G suddenly realized that he
had a UBE.
Naturally, he launched himself off of his perch, but the non-specific
nature of his UBE didn't indicate which direction he needed to fly off
to. He, therefore, circled his perch. (Tower, I'm going around
again). On the third circuit he was maybe getting a little dizzy,
because he suddenly veered south (all the while maintaining altitude
at three feet; tower-circling altitude). The problem is is that the
big picture windows are due south of the Tower (perch). Two feet due
About then is when I heard the distinctive "Bonk" of macaw beak
against glass. It wasn't a loud "Bonk". It was about the volume of
"Bonk" one might expect from a large blue and gold flying turkey
cruising at Tower-circling speed whose forward momentum was suddenly
impeded by a double-paned window.
However, it was a "Bonk" that was just loud enough to cause this UBE to
cascade into a CUBE. The resonant sound of the "Bonk" was still
echoing in my ears as Opus, CAG, launched himself off of his own perch
and rocketed due north. He ended up in the bird room at the other end
of the house.
Meanwhile, the B&G turkey had finished flying vertically (down), his
big honker pressed against the glass the whole way. Time to try
helicopter mode. Yep. In a flurry of feathers and disgarded dinner
remnants (pasta) the large thrashing macaw managed to initiate a
reverse vertical flight back up the window, honker still firmly
implanted against the glass.
This, naturally enough, caused Sancho, Jezabel, and Maynard to declare
their own UBEs. Airborne.
The Caique, Bandit, when into Caique UBE-alarm mode, but none of the
windows shattered. Pink Floyd, of course added his dulcet
MullucanNuclearAttackWarning notes to the melee. Lilly, U'too simply
observed (These guys are bozos).
When the dust settled, and the panic-poop-streaks had all been cleaned
up from the floor, we resumed our (normal, for us) evening. Until the