Hi There, fellow Quakers!!!

My name is Tootsie, and as your self-appointed bird advocate, I feel it is my duty to teach you guys how to be charming like me so you can get a great servant (oops! I mean master) like I have. So Take a tip from Tootsie's charm school agenda and you will not be homeless for long!

First of all, bathe frequently and preen yourself to the max every day so you look good. Humans are suckers for a set of glossy feathers. And, be sure that you do not have poop on your feet because people really hate poopy feet! Now, when humans enter your cage area at the next bird mart, or your breeder's home to evaluate you for purchase, you will be looking sharp!

The next step is to turn on the charm. People love a bright-eyed curious look. I find it easy to accomplish this by simply puffing up my head feathers and cocking my head to one side. Now, pause a moment to let them admire you as you check them out. If you feel they would be acceptable slave, (oops! hehe, I mean owners) then take a few adorable, self-conscious steps towards them. And, oh yes, now cock your head to the other side for good measure.

Hopefully, by this time your current owner will be making with the giant sales pitch. You can make it even more powerful by ringing your toy bell or coyly chewing on a toenail, or the very best sales technique, screaming, "Hello! I love you!" or anything like that you have learned to say. I'd also encourage some head bobbing. I personally NEVER engage in this activity unless I am about to upchuck my lunch, but for some reason people think it is darling. So do it a lot!

By now, your future servants (oops, there's that language error again!) I mean owners, should find you much more attractive and desirable than that deadhead parrot in the cage next to you, who is fast asleep AND has poopy feet. But, just to clinch the deal, take 4 or 5 rapid steps towards them, puff up and bob your head a couple of times, dilate your eyes and laugh like a witch. They just love this! Gets 'em every time. If you are lucky enough to be able to check out their perching potential, cock your head to one side, then the other when they look at you closely. Sit on their shoulders if you get a chance, and nuzzle their necks and ears. Humans do that a lot to each other, and they seem to like it especially well! If you can do this, before you know it, *POOF*, the poor dupes have slapped down their money and you have a new home full of humans to pamper you!

With Tootsie's charm school techniques, there is no reason for any of us Quakers to ever be homeless again.

Strutting along 'til next time,

Tootsie